arrrgh. Im officially at a lose for words now. i dont know how much longer im going to keep going down hill, its like i have some kind of disease that wont go away, but the disease is my life, my mother, my friends, money, everything, im either losing it or its hurting me. what am i suppose to do? I dont even have a boyfriend to turn to anymore, or a best friend because shes too lost in the man that she has, like shes always been, i come second, like my mother and her men also. isnt that a coincidence? fuckit...

well i met somone, but we arent in a relationship cuz i dont think hes my type... dam i think i am still single because im too picky! but it aint my fault they all want one thing. my little brother finally got out of Juvi, i want to beat the shit out of athena, and i probably will eventually. stay up....

I think i am getting to depressed for my own good! I bought a ticket to go see Javier two days before Christmas just so he could tell me not to bother comming up there. I am now officially SINGLE. and on New Years i am going to get so fucked up that i hopefully dont even remeber this whole fucking year the next day. i am sick of asking myself "why me?" because i have been asking that question since i was 13 years old and i still dont have an answer. do u? Please keep me in your prayers. and i will keep praying.

WTF? wow, it is amazing how fast shit can change so much it seems like your in a whole other life, or back into your old one. i made a pretty big decision. i dont know if it was the right one, but i made it, and now all i have to do is wait and see what will happen because its up to me what will. (ok, im not making any sence. fuckit.)well im out, keep me in your prayers...

dam. i missed work again. shit. i gotta quit doin that. i just really hope that i am going to get my chance to go back to iowa for a couple weeks this winter. i need those few days to escape and forget about this place for a minute. keep me in your prayers, and i will keep praying. peace